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Physical Disability + Alterhuman Embodiment

The_Flock - 2019-12-19 23:35:10

I wonder how other folks with physical disabilities relate to disability as alterhumans, whether someone sees their body as alterhuman in some way because of it, or uses mobility aids and feels those change their sense of embodiment, or if you're a pluran who has a complicated relationship to the body you share? Or something else entirely?

How do you relate as an alterhuman to your disabilities?

The_Flock - 2019-12-19 23:44:17

(replying with my own answer so as not to sway the replies)

Personally, I see my forearm crutches as extensions of my own body, as another pair of legs. I get a sense of euphoria from the feeling of walking on four legs instead of two, and it additionally takes pressure off a spine that honestly didn't evolve very well to hold a bipedal creature, anyway, so my back and hips hurt less.

And when I say it's an extension of my body, I really mean it. It's often not understood by people who don't use mobility devices that taking our devices or touching them without permission is just as much a violation of personal space as taking my hand or touching my shoulder without asking. It inherently becomes part of my body and self-image. I feel weird leaving the house without at least a cane, if not my crutches, because I feel like something is missing?

I also have complicated feelings about monstrousness wrt spine- and back-related disabilities, because we're literally portrayed as monsters in popular media, and that really hits me. I've got crooked shoulders and ribs and hips, and a hunch in my back where the spine curves too far, and it can feel uncomfortable and painful and hard to live in. And especially in those moments when I feel incorporeal, the way pain grounds me in the body honestly freaks me out.

Out of everyone in the system I think I'm still the one that relates most to the body + physical disability as a result, so that sort of combines with my general nonhuman self-image to add to it, I think.

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marron - 2019-12-31 16:56:38

I have shortened tendons all around my body, which makes walking more than maybe half a mile painful - I had to spend an entire day resting after I moved because just walking back and forth to the car left me barely able to stand :/ In an ideal world, I would be able to use something to take weight off my feet, like a cane, but I don't want to deal with the ableism of being visibly disabled, and my doctors are completely useless and would never support me doing anything that helped :V (Although I'm thinking about getting a hiking cane from Amazon, for longer walks…)

I identify as a machine - no legs - and an ooze - no legs - and I've always struggled with a species dysphoria about having them. So at some level, my legs working poorly just feels like "no shit, Sherlock" - and there's definitely an othering experience about it socially, too. So it's interesting, I guess.

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Naiadic - 2020-01-16 17:22:33

Our body has chronic fatigue syndrome, a joint disorder, and IBS, but while I'm in some ways the one who identifies the most with the body, I don't identify with any of the disabilities. I'm the only one without physical dysphoria or a kintype with a specific and very different physical appearance, and origins are fuzzy, but for whatever reason I'm the one who feels like this body is mine, as opposed to the body I'm stuck with this time around (though that's also true). That was true in childhood, but as the body's changed in adulthood that's become less true. The CFS and IBS appeared after most of my pre-knowing-we-were-plural fronting, and the joint problems got a lot worse after that point too, so I haven't experienced the symptoms a lot (also I leave eating to other people, and I tend to leave front when I get too tired). So while I have a sense of ownership over the body, I don't feel any connection to the body's disabilities. Sapphire, the current host, has it the other way around - ey identifies a lot as a person with CFS and joint issues, and kai (the one who eats) as a person with IBS, but they're still in the process of making the body "theirs".

Lopori - 2020-01-19 13:31:54

I don't know if this counts as physical but I strongly suspect I'm mildly-moderately dyspraxic, particularly affecting gross motor skills and executive dysfunction. It makes me feel a little better about it when I look at it from a nonhuman angle. Clumsy with my hands? Of course, bonobos aren't exactly as dexterous as humans. Clumsy everywhere else? Mermaids are meant for water, you ever see a sea creature try to move on land? It's a total mess. My best friend told me once if I were a bird I'd be a penguin because I'm goofy on land but good underwater, it's true aha.

Executive dysfunction means I'm not meant to handle the everyday stressors of human life, I require a simpler existence (or a zoo keeper ;) ). I often compare my life to a chimps' tea party.

Zomorphi - 2020-01-22 23:12:55

So, fair warning this is a bit gruesome and I don't know if it counts as "disability" per say, but it definitely alters things quite a bit.

We have serious allergies (the kind where your skin falls off and/or you lose your ability to breathe) so we have to be very careful with what we eat, what we do, and where we go. Not being able to eat everything a normal human can is alienating, but it feels "right" in a sense? Like, normal humans can eat everything, and here we are, being able to eat nothing, almost like a wild carnivore might not be able to eat plants because they physically cannot process it, or how deer must eat grasses because they're deer. It's not a failing, but something this body just naturally does that is a bit different, and is also a bit inhuman because of it.

It's also an invisible issue, so it's not like every human can see it. In a way it feels a bit weird because everything thinks we're like them till we reveal our physical issues and then immediately get othered, which is a bit analogous to the "human until proven nonhuman" trope in modern fiction and historical literature, where you're human and everyone expects you to relate to them… until you don't, and you're different even though you're the same person. You're human, but also, you're not, because you're not able to participate in the same things humans can, but you're expected to. Nothing like generating conflict through that.

Vyt - 2020-04-14 11:59:53

I have cerebral palsy (spastic hemiplegia). it's a relatively mild case, in that I don't use mobility aids. But I am still visibly disabled and it has led to experiences of being singled out and othered (I've had a stranger pray over me to "fix" me and felt very alienated and awkward). I don't feel a strong connection between my therianthorpy and my disability. Border collies are agile, sporty dogs and I am…not. But that doesn't bother me very much?

Disability does, however, factor into me relating to voidpunk and alterhumanity as a whole. I do not identify as a werewolf, but I am very very drawn to monster stories in general (and werewolf stories in specific) because they help me confront, embrace, or process those feelings of being othered, or having a body that is immediately visibly noticed, or that has experiences out of my control (pain, spasms, lack of coordination).

Approaching alterhumanity from a "werewolf" perspective gives me a space to be:

Nim - 2020-05-29 09:37:06

I am disabled because of chronic illnesses and comorbid disorders and use a wheelchair outside of my apartment and am mostly bed-bound as I am bound to a lying position.

Of course it has been hard being as ill as I am and as limited in my life, but I have come to accept it. I am lucky to have my dreams where I can still do so many things… well anything I want to really.

What I miss most is walks. Dogs have been part of my family since I was 6 years old so it was normal for me to walk myself a few times a day with my dog(s). I love going on walks and hiking so much, going running, just being in forests and going through the thicket. Now I can visit a few times a year in a wheelchair only on the hard paths. But I have hope and I am working towards maybe one day being able to walk, even if it is only very small walks every now and then :)